Let the craziness begin!

I don't know what was going on with my body yesterday but I felt like I was in a daze. All day I was a hot mess. I somehow managed to get my workouts in and couldn't wait to hit the sac.  It's officially been a week since I got my stitches and they are healing really nice and they come out on Monday. When I was at the gym last night I felt like my body was telling itself that I was really to start uping my weights again and just giv'er. My boost of energy must have come from my BCABBA membership that I got in the mail! Another slap of reality! Check it out....
Tonight I am going to increase the weights and start doing my normal workouts again along with my HITT cardio. I'm going to ease into it until I feel totally recovered but I have learned to listen to my body and every workout from here on out are all last chance workouts. This is the home stretch. With less than 23 days I will be back in Vancouver and gearing up to hit the stage for the Sandra Wickham Fall Classic. Word is that this year the show will host more than 300 athletes! The world of bodybuilding and competing is really starting to take off and it's exciting!
In my daily haze yesterday, I could really tell that the competition is right around the corner. With the lack of energy and constant trips to the bathroom you know you are close. I've even considered setting up camp in the bathroom or sporting some Depends...no jokes! I am in the bathroom every hour. This could be the result of the 4+ litres of water I'm consuming.
Right now I feel like I am in a stable routine here in Victoria and have mixed feeling about heading to Vancouver too early. My parents are moving into their new house next Friday and I don't have a gym that's familiar and it will be a lot of change to digest and I feel more comfortable with my environment here. I did find a gym that is 24 hours that is clos-ish to my parents so it is an option but it would also be super hard to leave the gym I have here in Victoria. There are a few other people competing and it's nice to see that I'm not the only one doing two a day workouts. Seeing other competitors helps push me to keep going and it's a get group of people to chit chat with because we are all going through the same thing.
I am really looking forward to my workout tonight but sometimes I find myself I little too chatty and then never finishing my whole workout or spending too much time at the gym. I can't help it though! It's so nice to get to talk to people who are passionate about fitness and are doing the same things are I am. I will admit that I am so lucky to have Brett because his support is unconditional. He never judges me for my strange eating or going to the gym twice a day. He is my rock!
Brett has not only been my rock through this last season of prepping but also towards my recent layoff. It's almost been three weeks since I lost my job and it's been really hard for me to accept that I don't have a lot to contribute to our relationship right now. Before, I was the one supporting us while he is attending school and now I feel lost. With being a very type A personality, sitting around is very difficult for me. I think I am starting to drive him a little crazy because I don't feel as confident now that I am not working. I love being busy and being able to contribute to our relationship and support him while he's in school. All I can do right now is drive him to school and bake lots of cookies and keep the house clean. It's been a very hard adjustment but he keeps telling me that I will find something even better but it just won't happen over night. In the meantime, I can just be the best partner I can be and help him as much as possible. That's all I can do.
Confidence is definitely something I've always struggled with. I was bullied through school, was never the cool kid (even though I thought I was) or the one the boys chased, had a tough time with exams and learning, was cheated on in a previous relationship but all that changed when I found fitness and competing. That is way I cherish it so much because its precious to me. It's something that has allowed me control over my confidence and how I feel. I am the only one that can determine the level of happiness and the people I surround myself with. With my experience and everything I have accomplished I know I have a lot to offer a partner and an employer. I just have to relax and I will find something great. I just need to trust in my abilities and do everything I can to remain positive and exert my confidence because I have worked to hard to let it go over something I had no control over.
I have definitely learned a lot about myself over the last three weeks and I do believe that everything happens for a reason and hopefully I will soon find out what that reason is. For now, I am going to stay in Victoria, train really hard for the next 3 weeks and be the best partner/friend/person I can be. I have come so far to give up no. Giving up is not an option! Not for me.

Have a great Thursday!

Eat. Train. Sleep. Repeat.

Nic out
xo